Saturday, June 25, 2016

In the valley

Posted by Adele Hattingh at 8:50 AM 0 comments
Shatter Shatter
Fall fall
The blinding pace comes to a heart wrenching stop
Numb

Tears flowing
Disbelief
Cries that bulge forth out of the pit of your stomach
Fear

Crushing voices that roll of your tongue
Damaging voices that speak in my mind
Stop stop I whisper
More more you say
Nothing

I'm looking up
Wondering if anyone there can help
Save
Heal

I wait

Friday, May 6, 2016

"Wow, that must have hurt.."

Posted by Adele Hattingh at 5:26 AM 0 comments
It's a beautiful Autumn day. One of those days that you can feel the cooler winter air creeping closer but it's still sunny enough to enjoy a mid day walk. My little one is just over a month old as I wrap him tightly and we set off for a walk in the stroller. He loves the outdoors and I enjoy the walk. Feeling like the walls close in on you is a real thing. Especially if you are a working mom on maternity leave, that has been home for a full month with a new baby that spends all his time either drinking or sleeping. We set off to the local butcher - a nice 20 minute walk. When you are still in adoration of the miracle that happened to you in the form of a baby, everything seems greener, fresher, prettier and more alive. I select a few things for dinner and make my way to the pay point. The cashier is a young Afrikaans girl, overly interested in my little one. She ooh's and aah's and tells me how beautiful he is. I wanted to say 'Right!!?' but responded with a pleasant thank you. The questions roll off her tongue like balls in a busy ten pin bowling alley on a Friday night. I answer with short polite answers every time. Yes, its a boy. He is 6 weeks old. He sleeps a lot. Yes I breastfeed. No I don't have to go back to work soon. Then she asks about the birth method. I was slightly taken aback - such a personal question from a complete stranger. Yes, it was a natural birth without medication. "WOW" she exclaims, "that must have hurt". Suddenly, in that moment there is a thousand thoughts rushing through my head. How do I tell this young girl that the pain of giving birth is nothing compared to the pain you will still feel as a mother? The first time they are sick and you are completely helpless. The first time they don't succeed at riding a bicycle or building a LEGO figurine and they feel like a failure. Their first rejection from a friend. How do you tell her that the heartache of leaving them at daycare or school for the first time far supersedes the pain of labor? The tears you cry when they struggle to adapt to this crazy world. There is no comparison.

I just smiled and said "Yeah, it was quite something".

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Save

Posted by Adele Hattingh at 9:12 PM 0 comments
Save them, I cry
Heart racing
Tears burning my cheeks
Let the lost be found

Save us, I whisper
Head spinning
Palms shaking
Let love lead

Save me, I pray
Hands grasping
Straws breaking
Warrior watching
From
a
b
o
v
e

Thursday, August 6, 2015

My seuns

Posted by Adele Hattingh at 12:22 AM 0 comments
Uzziyah
My staccato kind
Jy is n montage van danspassies en snaakse rympies
Jou woorde rol soos n bal ys van n berg af – dis sterk en passievol en dis meesleurend
Jy is Tel Aviv op n warm somersaand. Die stad wat nooit slap nie.
Die stad waar die vure tot laat in die nag op die strand weerspieel
Jy is die branders wat teen my mamma siel vas slaan, die wit skuim trek ver tot in die laatnag
Jy raak skielik aan die slaap, jy word stadig wakker.
Jy is helder kleure en groot verf stroke wat die brue van ons gesinstad verkleur
Jy vergeet niks en jou liefde is sigbaar in jou ligte blou oë
Jy is my Uzziyah
God se krag

Chavriël
My legato kind
Jy is n lag liedjie en n ritmiese deuntjie wat in die maanlig rond dans
Jou stemmetjie is soos die geel oggendonson wat stadig nader kruip – dis warm en bring nuwe hoop
Jy is Galilea se berge en strome- n koel briesie wat deur my hare waai op n warm dag
Die ritmiee golwe wat n nuwe lewe in my mamma hart in stuur
Jy is die horison aan die einde van die see, ek staar daarna tot vroeg in die oggend
Jy raak stadig aan die slaap en word met blink ogies wakker
Jy is pastel kleure en sagte patrone wat ons gesinsband versier
Jou slim blou ogies kyk deur ons
Jy is my Chavriël

God se vriend

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Stap saam

Posted by Adele Hattingh at 2:18 AM 0 comments
Soms wens ek, ek kon vir jou die skatkamers van my siel wys.
Jou op 'n toer vat deur die bloedbevlekte portale van my denke waar die seer van die verlede soos portrette teen die mure van my wese hang.
Daar binne hardloop my gemoed rond op soek na stil word plek, beter maak plek , oorwinnings plek. Opsoek na die oomblik van totale innerlike vrede.
Waar die duif se veer tot ruste kom op die hoogste olyf tak van my drome.

Ek sal jou hand vat en jou lei verby die maalkolk wat my hart is, en teen die heuwels van my onsekerheid uitklim.
Ek wens ek kon jou wys hoe die gesigte van geliefdes teen my rou dam van trane vas gepleister is. Dan sal jy sien hoe jy soos 'n katedraal bo dit alles uitstaan, hoe jy die gom is wat die klippies op my pad vasbind in 'n hoofweg van passie.
Dan sal jy sien hoe jou woorde soos warm teer teen die kante van my wese afdrup
Hoe jy teenwoordig is in elke kamer wat ek deurtrap.
Dan sal jy weet.
Dan sal jy verstaan. 
 

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